Cult of the Lamb
*Wake-o-meter:
Questing: 7/10
Cult Management: 1/10
“Have you heard of or played Cult of the Lamb?” a friend said to me a couple weeks ago, “it’s a phenomenal cozy game. Like Animal Crossing, but for the end times.”
I ran so fast to my Switch’s shop page I pulled a muscle.
Now, saying I should have known better does not do this game justice – I played (read: heavily cheated on) ACNH fervently for about two weeks before I lost interest. I get the appeal, it’s just not my jam.
I might’ve asked: “If you had a couple dozen friends and they kept asking you to feed them poop or risk their ire, would you enjoy that?”
Cult of the Lamb boasts the top-down dungeon crawler aspect ala classic Legend of Zelda that your inner 80’s child desperately craves. On a quest to take down four old gods (who did sacrifice you, so… karma?) you make your way room by room through player-level based forests, gathering resources and slaying all manner of enemies along the way. As you traverse the dungeons you’re presented with route choices – do you want to rescue more followers? Visit shops or gamble on a resource grab? Defeat more baddies? The modular gameplay makes it easy to progress however you choose.
Meanwhile, back at home – ah, cult – your followers are going about their assigned tasks… probably. Illness, hunger, and dissent are the tip of the chaotic iceberg that carries on in your absence**. If you enjoy the more tedious aspects of AC, this bit is for you: you can spend hours farming, decorating your space, tending to the varied needs and occasional side quests of your followers, and gathering resources… sort of.
This is where it’s getting sticky for me. An in-game day lasts about eight real-life minutes, with two of those being nighttime (when most of your cult is asleep and waking them for tasks or sermons is a no-no). Every day you’ll need to preach a sermon or perform a ritual: it’s necessary to keep your followers’ faith up, but the repetitive nature of the task complete with un-skippable cut scenes becomes real boring, real fast. And those resources we mentioned? That you’ll need to do the fun decor-based stuff? They’re not regenerative at any rate that makes cozy play plausible and your quest loot will leave you rife with coins that you can’t spend without the materials you can’t find. I’m sure that upgrading the stone- and lumber-mines fixes that snafu somewhat, but it’s slow going and nap time is almost over.
A triangle-creature gives you tarot cards. A one-eyed rat offers a dice game (which may be the best part of the game itself). A fish-man spends all his time… fishing.
If Binding of Isaac, Stardew Valley, and Animal Crossing birthed a beautiful and bizarre throuple baby – it would be Cult of the Lamb. And while it might be fun to take that baby to the park every once in a while, at the end of the day you’re gonna be more than happy to give it back to its parents and move on to something with a bit more purpose.
It’s been fun, Cult, but mama’s bored.
Disclaimer: I’ve put in about three total play hours and have currently completed two of the four dungeons. This is not a finished-game review.
*Welcome to the Wake-o-meter, where I’ll tell you how likely your furious clicking is to wake the sleeping child you’re gaming next to.
**Accessibility settings allow the player to adjust the coziness play level from “near constant stress” to “lol whatever” with Unlimited HP, Stop Time (at the Cult) on Crusade, and more.